Sunday, 28 September 2014

No Strings Attached!

I was talking with a male friend of mine about no strings attached sexual relationships. He asked me as a girl, is it ok to have one? I replied, “of course it is, as long as you are aware of what type of fling it is and what your partner’s expectations are!”

So obviously we got onto the conversation about it. Can women have sex like men? It is one of those taboo questions if you think about it. Guys will always say no, and that if a woman has sex like a man does, she is a slut. Why is that? Why must we be titled some kind of label for doing the same as them?

It isn’t always so straightforward though. It’s often assumed that men think of sex as just a physical act with ‘no strings’ more often than women do. But when it comes down to it, it can actually be confusing for both sexes. You see, after sex, our bodies are rushing with post-orgasmic chemicals – main one being Oxytocin which tells our brain that we want to bond emotionally as well as physically, meaning one of you may want to cuddle after the huddle. So, with this in mind, is no strings attached sex ever ok?

The Friend with Benefits:
Do not believe what you see/read/hear people. Without a doubt, one side will always fall for the other eventually. This type of NSA sex will go one way or another. It can either turn into a great relationship or someone gets hurt. In my experience and from having FB’s, it usually just goes sour anyway. No FB can ever really turn into a real buddy.

The Tinder Hook Up:
You both know what it is. You met online, conversation got flirty quite instantly, you are watsapp messaging and next thing you know, you are on a night out with your friends drunk and you end up at this person’s apartment. Great first meet. I doubt there will be any snuggles after. Clean and go people, clean up and go!

The Rebound:
I think this one is usually more beneficial for the guy. You know, a girl just got out of a relationship and she needs revenge sex to feel like she’s getting back at her ex (when really, he couldn’t give two shit’s and already started sleeping with someone a week after they broke up.) Guys, if you are looking for casual sex, this could be the one for you. Give her your shoulder if she needs to cry, your ears if she wants you to listen, and then your dick for when she is ready to suck. But, you need to be careful with this one that she doesn’t mislead your wanting of sex and ‘being there for her’ as more and a potential relationship. Make it clear that you are there to help her release her sexual demons!

The Drunk Partygoer:
It’s 2am, you are wasted in a bar and the guy/girl you like is giving you the look. You know, basically eye fucking you. So take the eye fucking to the next level to real fucking. Whisper sweet words into his/her ear and get them home with you. Whatever happens, the next morning make sure you don’t leave without a goodbye. Even if you had beer goggles on and are completely not interested, there is nothing worse than waking up with a hangover and rejection all in one.

The Friend of a Friend:
So it’s a friend’s birthday party and there is a whole group of you out and you spot someone in the group you like and you go over and flirt. You completely hit it off and have both had a bit to drink so what seem like harmless fun at the time could get awkward at the breakfast table the next morning. Don’t avoid eye contact and try to make jokes. Always keep that situation on a good level because don’t forget, you have mutual friends and you will both be embarrassed.

 So, here’s the down low. All of you reading this can probably relate to one (or more) of these situations. I know I can. If you are in it for sex, and just sex then good for you, but be careful that Oxytocin doesn’t creep in because once you lean in for that one snuggle, it all goes down the shitter. As guys are bad at messaging, make sure you message the girl. We don’t need phone calls and hearts, but a text here or there to assure us it wasn’t just meaningless can go a long way. If you can tell that the other side wants more and you don’t, just be honest. Honesty is the best policy.

Good luck guys and girls! If anyone has any good stories for me about NSA relationships, email me at

 Little Miss V..xx


Thursday, 4 September 2014

When Mr.Boots Met Ralph..

Has anyone ever asked you what the craziest thing you have said/done to get out of a bad date? Someone asked me once and I had to think really long and hard. Now, what happened last night will always spring to mind.

It was a warm, August evening in Tel Aviv and I had agreed to meet my date, we will call him Mr. Boots for now, at the beach for a chilled, relaxing evening. Sometimes it’s nice to get away from the generic ‘bar’ date.

Boots is one I met on Tinder and we had been chatting for 6 days. Conversation was always flowing and he seemed really funny and sweet, a bit on the desperate side, but ok. So I agreed to meet him when he said he had a day off of work, being a baggage handler at the airport, and wanted to keep his evening free for me.

So the date comes around and there he is standing in all his 5 foot seven glory, (sense the sarcasm here please, I am the same height) and smiling from ear to ear. He gave me a hug hello with his nice, muscly arms and down to the sand we went. He bought the drink, I bought the blanket and there we sat. Conversation got flowing and I now realise I should ask guys for pictures of them smiling, not just the ones on their profiles. Boots’ pictures were all a bit posey or mouth shut selfies. So when he talked, I saw the inside of his mouth. I wish I hadn’t. His gums were so red it looked like he had a severe gum infection. His teeth were an awful shade of custard and his lips were really chappy and cracked. Strike 1!

Trying to put all of that aside, I remember his hat. He was wearing a trucker hat to a first date. Moving my eyes downwards, I notice his boots. Yes, boots. It is August in Tel Aviv meaning that it is about 30 degrees at night and he is wearing boots. I was so shocked I said to him, “it’s like 50 degrees out why would you be wearing boots?” His answer, “when I came back from America I was so broke I didn’t have any money to buy new shoes!” Strike 2. My reply, “didn’t you get back 5 months ago?” His reply, “yeah but I literally had no money!” Nobody wants to hear about how brass you are. I am no gold digger but I am not messin with some broke… male.

As the date goes on, already despising so much about him, he starts talking about other girls he has dated. Strike 3. Do you think I care why it didn’t work out with each and every one of them? No, I don’t. By now, as you can tell, I was beginning to get frustrated and I knew I had to get out of this date somehow. I didn’t want to be the bitch I know I can be and say, “listen, this isn’t gonna work so let’s end it now.” If I did that, I would have to walk away first and that would have been awkward, seeing as we were sitting on my blanket.

So I made something up. Something so bizarre and ridiculous. Something I don’t think anyone apart from me, this brilliant actress could do. I told him I had a dick. Yes, you read correctly. I told this boy, who had driven 25 minutes to see me and who was so excited, that I am a transgender now going through my transition. That I had my Adam’s apple shaved, my breasts implanted and my testosterone levels reduced due to the oestrogen I was taking. I even told him that my dick and balls had shrivelled so small because of the medication as it’s the only way to have the surgery to make me a natural vagina.

Where was this all coming from? How was I able to communicate all of this to him without hysterically laughing? Luckily, I like a good documentary so I thank my lucky stars I watched one on transgenderism. Obviously he didn’t believe me. He kept laughing and trying to make jokes and there I was tough face on, acting as if I was being deadly serious. I even told him not to joke as it is so sensitive for me.  He finally started to believe me.

Well, at that point we both knew the date was coming to an end. “Why didn’t you tell me over our messages instead of making me drive 25 minutes to meet you?” He asked. Come on, what’s 25 minutes?! Anyway, I replied with, “I guess I just liked you and thought you may be different from the rest, but it’s ok, you’re the same and I understand that not every guy will be accepting of this.” How I am not an actress, I will never know. He didn’t know what to say so I mentioned that I think the date is over. As we were saying good bye I went to high five him, (for some odd reason, like who even high fives these days??) and asked him, “Do you hate me?” “I don’t hate you but I don’t like that you lied to me.” Fair enough. “Do you wanna hug it out?” I asked. To his reply, “ummm we can have a hug but nothing else!” So hugged we did and off I went and immediately phoned my best friend to tell her this insanely creative, awesome yet ridiculously bizarre, crazy, stupid story!

PS, my dicks name was Ralph.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Naked Disney Dudes!

So, a friend of mine sent me a link from Jezebel featuring pictures of Disney Dudes and what they look like naked.
I forwarded the link to my best friend and even though a cartoon, we were discussing which ones we would and wouldn’t have. It was as if we were discussing real men! Let me tell you, it shows different length, girth, tone, veins, pube sitch, etc and it totally matches their personalities, and we all know guys like it. So I have written up my own version of each guy.

So let’s start with Gaston.. We all know him from Beauty and the Beast to be the manly one all the ladies want, but not Belle. And now we know why. His over confidence is to make up for the lack of dick! He is the type that shaves off all his pubes to make it look bigger and better. Doesn't work mate, my thumb is still bigger.

Next, we have another dude from Beauty and the Beast and it is the beast himself, aka, Prince Adam. One of those dicks you are disappointed to see. Pretty gross If you ask me, especially when flaccid, un-cut and covered in pubes. The type you deffo don’t wanna suck off.

Prince Eric, the handsome guy you see out and just already know he is going to have a dick that suits you perfectly. You know, good size, looks way better when erect and not too much bush and you know once inside you, you are in for a good time.

Here we have Prince Ferdinand, the love of Snow White’s life. Posing by Snow White’s wishing well, he is the type waiting for you to come and ride his average sized, uncut dick. Nothing special about his dick but his swag and attitude is what will draw you in and you will still have fun, even if he doesn’t make you cum first time round.

Ahh, Prince Charming. He is sweet, funny, good looking and oh, would you believe it, has a beautiful penis. You know what I mean, the type you look at and think, ‘ah, god created you for me.’ Its long and thick but not too long and thick and you are more than happy to go down on him as he is perfectly groomed too. Why aren’t there more of these types in the world?

As we continue, we get to Li Shang. You look at this type of guy, muscly and think. ‘Yeah I reckon he has a nice sized dick’ then you are terribly disappointed when you see it. It’s an average size penis and hangs down over his tiny ball sack that is smaller than marbles and makes you wonder why he even has a ball sack.

Sleeping beauty probably gets woken up by Prince Phillip quite often as you can tell he is a little horny motherfucker. This ginger cutie has a dick that will reach your gspot but if you have a wide set vagina, don’t bother. His dick is long and knows how to bang you and charm you at the same time.

Prince Ali NOT so fabulous as he Ali ah BORINGGGGG! He is like a magic lamp, you need to rub it to get it to do anything. One of those ugly looking dicks with really hairy, large balls. A Grow-er, not a show-er.

Oh Jonny boyyyy, come here loverrrrr. A circumcised beauty in all his glory. Tall, good looking, manly and proud of his manhood. He can paint all the colours of the wind with that large paintbrush. He will give it to you good ladies.

Have you ever hooked up with a guy and then he got his dick out and you just laughed in his face? Yeah, it kinda happened to me once and his dick looked like Prince Hans here, if Hook loses another hand by a crocodile, he will know where to come for another Hook. Don’t bother with this one ladies, he is the type that will sext you a dick pic from the bottom so you think it looks good. Lies. All lies!

Here is Kristoff, the dick you dread. The chode. Small and fat but with big manly balls. Stay away from me Kristoff types. Amen. Thank you.

Last but not least, we have Flynn who is deffo a Ryder! Not the most good looking of dicks but it is the one that he can make move on it’s own like a party trick. It has a little curve but you are cool with it cos his swag and cool vibe will make you want him, and want more. Plus, he shaves his pubes to look like his goatee.
Hope you enjoyed!

Love Little Miss V.. x



Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Wanking In Cars With Boys

Have you ever been on a date with someone and thought, "ok he is cute and seems into me and has been a gentleman, not so sure I'm on it but whatever will see him again?!" But you know you really aren't sure.. This is why sometimes; you just need to trust your gut feeling. You may think its trapped wind, but more likely than not, it's your gut telling you not to see that person again.

So I met this guy online, let's call him Lad. So we spoke one day and that same day he asked me out. I had no plans and thought I need to get myself out there more, so I agreed to the date. He picked me up in his Mini and we drove to get frozen yoghurt. I had told him that I was vegan so he took me to a place that had soya versions; this made me think 'aww how thoughtful of him!'
So we had our froyo then went to sit by the marina and talk over drinks whilst looking out to the sea.

We got on really well, he made me giggle and there was a lot to chat about. He was also really good looking. Now usually, I don't kiss on a first date. You know one of those rule thingys but when he kissed me, so out of the blue and so softly, I couldn't resist but kiss back. After a while we got back in the car and he drove me home. We said good night with a kiss and up to my apartment I went.

The next day he bombarded me with messages and wanted to see me that day. I had plans. After a few days of him persisting and saying how much he missed me (which I found odd considering we had only been on one date) I started to get annoyed. I could also tell he was a bit of a womaniser and I had a feeling I wasn't the only one. I was kind of put off but would be nice and reply. So after a few weeks and several lies to say I couldn't see him, I finally decided YOLO and meet up with him. We said we would chill at his and watch a movie. This kind of meant, 'I don't think I want you as more than a potential new fuck buddy.' Whether he got that or not, I was unsure.

This time, it was a very short meeting. He picked me up, kissed me hello, told me how much he missed me and we started the journey towards his place. He lives about a 6 minute drive from me. On the way he took a left down a road near a bar I go to and just parked up on the side of the road and stared at me then kissed me. I asked him why we had stopped considered he lived down the road. His reply was "I want you so bad!" Umm ok, "so keep driving we are nearly at your house!" He said, "no I want you here and now!" I said "you are joking right? We are on the street!" He said he knew and next thing, he just whipped out his dick from his pants, started wanking and said, "look what you have done to me, help me baby!"
My mouth dropped to the floor. I was in shock!!!! I looked at him and said, "you must be having a laugh mate!!" I got up out of the car and slammed the door shut and started walking off. He was shouting for me to come back and I told him he was an absolute fruit loop!

So, on my walk home I called my best friends to let them know. They were just as shocked as I was. When I look at it now, I find it amusing because he is such a nutter to do such a thing.

Knew I should have trusted my gut feeling!

Lots of love..

Little Miss V.. xx


Wednesday, 21 May 2014

What Women Do In Bed That Men Hate - The Male Reply!!

Of course men do many mistakes in bed, we are simple creatures. I really appreciate all the pointers I can get, and have taken upon myself to return the favor. Big thanks to all my boys that happily aired their grievances, and reported what mistakes women do in the bedroom.
1: Rape fantasies aren't just fantasies, you have a problem. It isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, but I had to put it out there.
2: A good hand-job is an art. Be careful when you are doing it, the penis is sensitive! Be happy to get directions, adapt, and if your knuckles turn white while you are tugging, you are pulling too hard!
3a: We will happily munch your vagina for hours, just give us a bit of head already!
3b: When you are giving me head, you need to love it! Look at my dick as if it's the fountain of youth and you're dying. There is nothing worse than when we expect a solid BJ, but get just 1 minute of unengaged head bobbing, and then a "Now you get on top!". Be engaged, and afterwards we will jump on you.
3c: When you blow, for gods sake, get your teeth out of the way!!!! I never even use a Zip-fly because I don't want any kind of inter-locking teeth close to my dick. Use an abundance of saliva, and make it sloppy.
4: Use your hands, don't orphan the balls, work the gooch (area between back of ball-sack and bum-hole), stimulate the pooper, and potentially add a finger in the ass. UNLESS OTHERWISE INSTRUCTED a little bum-licking has never gone amiss.
5: When you're on top, move vertically. Only move horizontal if you want my dick to break into two pieces. It actually feels like you are dislocating the penis, and when we scream, it is actually screams of pure pain and agony. And if you're unsure which direction is which, let us do you doggy-style whilst you Google it.
6: Farts are ONLY funny if they come from the ass
7: Johnssons baby oil isn't only for babies! If you provide lube, we assume that's a free pass into the Brown eye. And if you are fine with us only using spit, please communicate this.
8: Cock-control can be a tricky thing. We have years of experience and practice in holding it in. But sometimes we just can't. There comes a point when it doesn't matter if a nuclear war breaks out, we will finish. It is usually accompanied by our faces looking as if we are smelling vinegar!
9: Don't immediately get off my dick after I've cum. It's far too sensitive to get in contact with air.
10: Allow comedy! Some of the best jokes come between the sheets. If I want to use your pubes as a Hitler-mustache while screaming racist slurs into your vagina…Embrace the comedy!
Last but not least. Don't get pissy if we don't initiate, we are always up for it!
Written by: Achashverosh, inspired by the "League of Extraordinary Comedians"

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

What Men Do In Bed That Women Hate!

What is one of the main things you talk about when you get together with your girls? Your sex life, obviously. I just love it when me and the girls get together and we discuss our latest shags and who did what and what positions, penis size, good, bad etc!
So it was funny when a few of my girls and I got onto the subject and were discussing all the things men do in bed that they think we like, when really, we don't! So I have compiled a list of my top 10 favourite ones that we came up with.
To all the males reading this, take note...
1) When your so into it and he asks you to put the condom on. Ummmm this is not sexual education class and your dick is not a banana. You put the condom on whilst I try to continue looking sexy.
2) When your giving a blow job and the guy thinks it's ok to push your head as if you are a bobble doll. I have an awful gag reflex, do it one more time and I am vomming on your cock and you will know not to EVER push my head again!
3) Hard spanking. If the mood is right and we are having a good time, a spank doesn't hurt nobody, well, until it hurts somebody. Spank me that hard again I will box you in the nose!
4) When a guy tries to remove your underwear with his teeth. Did god create you with hands? Yes. So use them you moron. We are both horny, don't waste my time and make me lose it by using your teeth. It is not sexy. It's off putting.
5) Wait. Ouch. Hold up. Are you joking me??? You think you can just 'slip' your dick up my ass like I'm not going to notice? It's as dry as a nuns minge darling. Of course I'm going to feel it, I'm in agony. Never try and 'slip' a dick into the A hole. Pre warn and lube us!
6) Oh did you see that position on a porn film? Good for you but NO! It's all fun I'm sure when you are wanking off watching a porno but it is being filmed and they have practiced. So trying to flip us over like we are a crab on top of a rock upside down is not going to work for either of us. Play it simple, play it cool, let us work into positions together.
7) Did someone tell you that saying "who's your daddy" was going to turn me on? Because that is probably one of the most awful things a guy can say to a girl in bed. You are not my father. That is just wrong. I'm clearly fucking you because you turn me on (or this is a drunken club meet) and I'm going with it, don't ruin it with sentences like that. Just don't talk! Satisfy us and we are happy!
8) Guys, it's really cute that you all think you are the master at finger blasting, but if you are trying to pluck strings like I'm a harp, you have it all wrong. Treat our vaginas like a treasure chest. It's golden. 
9) When you cum and we have no idea. It's really annoying when the guy is so quiet so we don't know. Make noises. Moan. It makes us moan. Then let us know your gonna cum, we might be so bored that it'll make us happy. Or if we are enjoying it maybe we can cum together!
10) DO NOT STOP!!!! Why lord why? I was at the point of orgasmic bliss, I'm at the top of the mountains smelling flowers ahhhhh bisto kind of bliss and you stop. Mother fucker I just fell off the mountain. It's selfish. You stop because you are about to cum? Control it boy! Slow yourself down. Don't full on stop to take a moment because if you do that more than once, I would have lost it.
So that concludes the list! I hope you all enjoyed reading it and if there are any you think of, let me know at
I would love a guy to do a reply to this about the top 10 things women do in bed that you hate. Get in touch!!
Lots of love..
Little Miss V.. X

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Durex - #TurnOffToTurnOn

Hey guys,
So, I was lucky enough to be sent an AMAZING package from Durex for their #TurnOffToTurnOn campaign for Earth Hour. This is basically a video to show people that when with your loved one, stop spending so much time on your phone, or Ipad or laptop etc and show your partner you care with a great love making session! (Obviously always using protection)
I loved the video. People, music, technology and a lead up to sex.. All things I love!
I do think it is so important in this day and age that we pay attention to our partner. We get so wrapped up with our work and day to day going on's that we forget to show the ones we love that we care.
Watch the video on YouTube here..
In the package I was sent was a variety of goodies that included:
A Vanilla scented candle
Mutual climax condoms
Embrace pleasure gel
Play O gel
Pleasure me condoms
Chocolate body paint
Pleasure touch
I have not had a chance to use all the products yet - but I did try the Mutual climax condoms. It says that it is supposed to slow the man down and the female will speed up due to the dots. I think my partner and I may have used it the wrong way because it sped him up (and he hates condoms) and I didn't feel any dots or ribs. Might need to test that again. I also find the smell of condoms gross. Durex, my darlings, next time please let me test nice smelling condoms. I want to have sex and smell vanilla, or strawberries and cream. That will make me orgasm in itself! I also used the Chocolate body paint, which was a lot of fun. Though it was messy and supposed to be romantic, this was not the case for us, it became sticky and we laughed so hard we fell onto each other in our sticky mess and ended up having a great session in the shower. We then went back to bed with the scented candle lit and had a lovely sleep :)
I am very excited to try out the rest of the products and cannot wait to tell you all about them! I have given my friends some condoms to test so will be back with another review in due course!
I really recommend Durex products especially lately with all these new things they have. If you want to spice things up with your partner, go look at Durex products. Get a nice candle and nice embrace pleasure oil and let me know how it goes ;)
Lots of love..
Little Miss V.. xx